freud auerbach bacon

'it's amazing' - i think my version of the joke (below) is amazing, but i have always cracked myself up. sentences ending with prepositions are something up with which i will not put.

http://www.viceland.com/viceDiary/photos/

fucker won't let me post photos again

So Brian Friel walks into an producer's office and says, 'Listen I've got 5 acts which i really think you should put on' the producer is sceptical but asks him for an outline because of the strength of his other work.

'Well', says Brian, 'It's an intricate, linguistically rich, symbolically charged exploration of the slow death of one part of Irish society and the effect this passing has on those left behind.' he pauses. 'I guess you could say it deals with recurring cultural, political and social modes in the upper strata of Roman Catholic society in rural Ireland since the act of Catholic Emancipation'

'have you got a name for this?' asks the producer.

'yeah' he replies, 'i call it The Aristocrats'

[har har.]

today's pays a l'honneur is transdnistria

brazil and japan are such boring choices

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

T.S. Eliot in 'Little Gidding'

how to lose (people who aren't even your) friends and alienate people

so when i go to 'college' in the 'fall' they'll be like what have you been reading and i'll say i have been reading crime and punishment for 6 weeks and i still haven't finished it. i'll say but wait i read every article in the shitty animal issue of vice twice and they'll say well here's your degree right here, mister. you are clearly cambridge material.

why is there no toolbar now? have i been a bad boy and is blogger punishing me? well i'll have to write i was listening to the long beach dub allstars and my father told me to turn down the 'throbby-dobby music' yes i think that's a pretty good description hmmm i should tell a story a la
oakparkthing - 'i knew this guy and we drank and he died (i'm so ghetto)'
or raymi - 'i stubbed my toe and blah my hair my back here is a picture of my breasts'
or anti - 'weed. signs. 7/11 is so rad'

i'm such a fucking insightful satirist and pasticher no? this is almost the longest post i have ever mcposted and the longest thing i have written since i was 'sur les bancs de l'école'
donc, justice? nique sa mère; le dernier juge que j'ai vu avait plus de vices que le dealer de ma rue

someone said that hindsight is a 20/20 bitch.. but my hindsight sucks i don't know which of my memories are true, why i did stuff, what i could have done instead.. so i need glasses i'm HUNGRY

welcome to ramsey street everyone
neighbours is on in 5 minutes

and somebody should write a blog from the perspective of susan kennedy.
did you know, karl's parents called him that because they were marxists.
that is a fact.. not one of those 'not true in the sense of being absolutely true, but true anyway' things, this shit is for real. hands up who would like dr karl to be their dad.

'Schematic Projection of My Dream' or 'Look How Bored I Am'

hey kids
it turns out it's wednesday not thursday.
and the school gates looked nothing like this.
they were built during the first gulf war

a dreaded sunny day
so we'll go where we're happy
and i'll meet you at the cemetary gates
Keats and Yates are on your side
but Wilde, oh Wilde is on mine

John, William Butler and Oscar reprazent.

thursday is bore-everyone-with-your-dreams day

so i was totally, like, being balled out by my father for getting bad marks in geography, and for smoking, and for using the word retarded all the time, and my mother waded in to the argument but didn't know what an adjective was and i went outside school because i was so mad and krystelle.. (christelle?) anyway she was there and we smoked rolled fags just outside the gates and my father came out and saw me smoking so i gave him the finger both barrels and we shouted at each other a little. then he drove off and she kissed me and we swam in the sea where there are now apartments. the end.

ah cara pils.. i was always too much of a snob to drink it, but i really wish i hadn't been. these trousers look retardedly big.

Ich liebe Dich, Waltraub

senza tema d'infamia

have you ever heard this live version of some steely dan song where the compère is all crunked and gets the band name wrong -i think he calls them mr steely dan- and tells the audience to shut-up and says stuff like 'if it's good for ya, it has to be good to ya Urhhghrr (dirtiest laugh ever)' anyway it's the best thing and if you haven't heard it Mr 'I-deleted-my-blog-cos-i'm-too-cool' Moxham will help you out.

speaking of the mox he works in club now, selling atomas to people cos he is a corporate whore, and needs to finance his bass-playing, girlfriend-having habits.

you're not from new york, you're from rotherham

so, speaking of bands who are less than the sum of their 'influences' and have unconvincing, fatso lead singers..

'i predict a riot' shamelessly rips off the stooges and the clash and throws in some shitty lyrics just to spice things up. did i mention that their singer is fat and that they hired their drummer because he looks like pete doherty?

[also, that alex kaprfag guy from franz ferdinand looks older than bowie. maybe one should stop jumping around wearing a skinny tie when one is 40]

(du borde inte posa, even when you think no-one is looking)

and what the fuck is the point of writing a swedish sentence that doesn't have an umlaut in it?we laughed at clara's double chin

we went to the new vice store

we went around greece in a nova

this is my new favourite guy, he shouuts at you with a musical gun and sells you doughnuts in the middle of the night in psiri (namedrop it like it's hot)

http://www.viceland.com/issues_uk/v3n7/htdocs/156/

and that's all really

in state of denmark

oh say can you see...

my eyes? (if you can, my HAIR'S TOO SHORT)

going to greece, to sleep on the floor of an apartment in athens cos i'm so fucking on the road. still. always. reprazent kerouac, wesh wesh. i think.. or hope.. that epic, heroic quantities of alcohol will be consumed, but not fucking ouzo.

rent a flat above a shop
cut your hair and get a job
smoke some fags and play some pool
pretend you never went to school

[but you'll never get it right,
cos as you lay in bed at night,
watching,
roaches climb the wall -
if you called your dad he could stop it all]

i just remembered that it's deeply fucking offensive when people spout lyrics. sorry about that, then.

i saw a sign saying 'future ticket sales' at a shitty train station, and it made me want there to be a 'past ticket sales' desk so i could go to it, book a ticket for last tuesday, hand over my money and be like 'FUCK i missed my train.'

1001

possibly the worst blog i have ever seen is this one

i rather liked the film 'dig' - more films should have bands fighting on stage, i think i was gonna say something clever about it but i have forgotten. it does make you think how gay the white stripes are for surreptiously claiming to have invented lofi, 10 years after pavement. oh i also think this film would have been better if it had been about pavement. most films would i guess. jaws, but with steven malkmus eating people instead of the shark. titanic, where people cross the atlantic on the good ship spiral stairs.. hey wait, the titanic did have spiral stairs right (and some dead girl totally floating above them)? yay.

rainy photos från emilie

i didn't draw the arrows

from the shitty photo issue

discount gravestones is wicked and the whole beardy dirty look is precisely what i'm going for, but it's a lot of work.

in other news i hate guys who wear shorts so i bought some

baywatch relocated to a hideous polluted beach in spain

i really wish this idiot was actually about to puke on bettina. puking up 100 euro bottles of vodka on a swedish girl who looks like a lion, but not a hot lion like simba's girlfriend.

http://honestymag.blogspot.com/

it's too good. i'll add it to mu links which have jumped to the bottom of the page, i think cos my header is too wide (or cos it's too cool and they don't wanna look bad next to it)

stalinist phallic

zoot suits

apparently the fat girl they parachuted into big brother ('kinga') was having sex with a wine bottle last week.
so they changed her moniker from 'kinga the minger' to 'kinga the swingers' and her mother was very proud, and everyone lived happily ever after.

this is turning into the watercooler blog, except since it's an uninterrupted monologue, it's more like me standing by a watercooler, talking to myself.

well since just everyone is posting rural shiz and hippy skies, i thought i'd jump on the bandwagon at the last possible minute.

we were at a bar once full of old belgians prostitutes and women with dogs shitting in the pockets of their fur coats, and someone suggested that the appropriate thing to do would be to dance on the table to jonny halliday or whatever they were playing. we did it, but lucy was too embarassed (though i seem to remember her pretending to puke on a swedish girl for a laugh earlier that night) we got down and lucy finally grew the requisite balls and was climbing onto the table when for the manager came over and said hey kiddies, that's not where it's at. Um we amused the bums though, so the manager had a change of (black, belgian) heart and gave us the green light. lucy got up, and as she was awkwardly throwing her first move, the song ended.

not much later that evening she puked and kicked a glass into the gutter cos she 'thought it was a football'

I sing of arms and the man,

O fortunati, quorum iam moenia surgunt

i'm going to buy these glasses and then be a genius portuguese writer
i won't go speak at my school, but i will win the nobel, just for kicks and the zillion kronor

sartre was a little bitch for 'refusing' it. camus was a little bitch for being the goalkeeper of the algerian national football team. de beauvoir? bitch for wearing a turban.

so, i hear you say, when are you going to stop making plans and actually start being a genius?

well fuck, i hadn't thought about it.

roosa's daddy and me