i'm a consumate fucking artist  

i've got 99 albums but jay-z's ain't one

this guy writes he wrote the last posts but not on the fucking bugle

props to the propmaster [or leave them on the table stage-right]

The previous posts were brought to you, in part, by this guy. 

prolific posting

the modern art museum in amsterdam is interesting but poorly organised
this blog is interesting but poorly organised
therefore this blog is the modern art museum in amsterdam.
i shall charge an 8 euro entrance fee from here on in.

the coolest person on the planet

You pay for your fame with your privacy. dicuss.
O swallow shall i call thee bird, or just a wandering voice?
state the alternative preferred, with reasons for you choice.
we like wit because it is witty

surrogate blog writer

When puking up the bile that rises from within it is important not at any moment to try and filter/cut/edit or adjust your ideas in any way. THAT is the secret of spontanaeity.
Apparently elton john's new album sucks hairy bollocks because bernie taupin is a bad lyricist. But he does have quite an interesting name'. So bonus points for that.
i sat on the roof and picked up the moss...
yar

i also heart lyn scully

I like the pope

Not marching now, in fields of trasimene.
Indizzle not, me old china.
fuck, that was the good china, too.

make comments, lazy drones ('you ignoble herd' quoth virgilius)

Youth Hostel

this place was a real bordel.

Stick A Bush

well she talks to all the servants
about man and god and law
everyone says she's the brains behind pa
she's 60 acres but says she's 54

stylé, dylan.
not as fashion as brice, but close.

best. film. ever.  

have you seen charlotte rampling? 

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

i AM the very hungry caterpillar
except i'm not that hungry

more like.. fucking tired and needing a cigarette
yes, i could do with some home-rolled throat cancer
with a side-serving of emphysema.

have a good weekend

stephen and spiral (pills and pils)

music scene's changing,
bands start up
each and every day,
i saw another one
just the other day
a special new band.

let's go down
to the practise room,
attention and fame
a career, career, corea, korea.(a job, lose control, chick corea, the asian penninsula?)

yay!

A Heartbreaking Blogpost of Staggering Genius

Edited by Patrick Parinder
With an Introduction by Margaret Atwood
and Notes by Steven McLean

so. i read someone else's blog and all his posts were long, with text and accompanying photos, neatly laid-out.with rhetorical devices and figura etymologica. and it was funnier than this. so i'm going to announce my retirement from international blogging. actually not. but soon on these pages you will see litotes, paraprosdokian, and much polysyndeton. my prose will be wittily allusive, it's meaning perhaps ultimately elusive, but a pleasure to read. now i have to go out into the snow.

we missed their farewell tour because we are fucking lazy. and because clara's mum sucks (but i still love her, die panos, die.) 

sudden death, innit 

trucker caps anon. 

at least anna...i really couldn't be fucked. 

seis personajes en busca del decimoctavo camello

Por eso se hacen llamar por los nobres de estos dramaturgos, e incluso los médicos los llaman asi (should have a tilde, Ed.): Shaw, Pirandello, Brecht, Ionesco y Beckett.

10 reasons why lucy is gay

i couldn't be arsed to write one reason, let alone ten
but since you teach me how to flatter you,
imagine i had giv'n the ten already.

don't drink the props kids.

Galosh

this is naked people gambolling in the snow.

terry richardson's happy lovechild

this is clara when she was younger. note the bukkake safety specs.

belgian 7th heaven

(with happy, as happy)

Feynman's Fanclub

Remember kids, the Ritz combination principal states some stuff.

this is me

or rather, i wish i looked like this

Drama Queen says:
why do u like the smell of babies?
Drama Queen says:
they smell of sick, dirty nappies, that horrible food they eat
Drama Queen says:
were u really born in america?

cos it attracts girls
yes they also smell of that
yea but not in nashville

the whitsun wife-beatings

blogs are for narcissists but i must be one of the cool ones cos i dont use punctuation
i should get some blogstar to link me like that raymi the kinks
or yeahhh i could not bother even asking even even

Bren says:
ur wedsiteis amazing
pockets dumb lard says:
yep
Bren says:
who is the top;ess slag

typos are the new blak

cello moto

cod-profundity: ceiling tiles and, highway signs. avocado bathroom suite. sweet. free-association is so passé. don't you get it, the shards of sentences reflect my fractured state of mind. or yours. or something. i eat babies for fucking breakfast. babies smell good, and you want your breath to smell good, so eat babies.

am i annoying you

sometimes i think that the best movies are the ones where you are getting a bj (pronounced beugh) while you are watching them. it is my aim to move to edinburgh and live on buccleuch street, which i hope is pronounced beugh-a-leugh. it's now time for lunch. i saw alistair campbell from a bus this morning. he wasn't marathoning or triathloning, but he looked pretty miserable anyway. and i'm told that andrew gilligan is afraid of suspect packages on trains. people who take commuter trains deserve death by bomb-in-a-nike-holdall anyway. on the whole

the letters i write

Monday, 15th November 2004


Dear Mr Austen,

CONGRATULATIONS!

I am pleased to inform you that you have won the Focus Magazine crossword competition. I enclose your prizes, the Penguin English Dictionary, Pears’ Cyclopedia, the Penguin Dictionary of Language and the Penguin Thesaurus. We hope you will enjoy using them and thank you for taking part.

Yours sincerely,

losers

what if you only have one bullet, meryl streep or susan sarandon?
what if ravi is a dork, brendan is a male-slut, and jack is a naked ape?
i wanted to post photos but no, blogspot is a bit too minge-ish for that
bye